


What's a Movie?

by FrenchRoast



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-29 20:57:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5142215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrenchRoast/pseuds/FrenchRoast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>BrOTP time with Neal, Mulan, and one of the best movies in our realm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's a Movie?

**Author's Note:**

> Nealfire Exchange Gift for sheriffsgrahams

Mulan had only just begun to adjust to being in this new realm without magic. Storybrooke was a far cry from the village she’d grown up in, and an even further cry from the countryside she’d spent so much of her time traipsing through, whether fighting for the emperor, helping Philip and Aurora, or as one of Robin Hood’s Merry Men. Even Aurora’s castle lacked many of the accoutrements most buildings in this town offered to all. The sofa here in Neal’s room in the inn, for example, was positively luxurious compared to any bed at any inn she’d ever slept upon in the Enchanted Forest. And yet here it was only for sitting!

And then there was this moving painting box they were all so fascinated with. From what Mulan could gather, some of the townspeople had given up on venturing outside at all, what with the constant danger of encountering a monster or someone hell bent on wreaking havoc for the sake of messing with the Charmings or because they bore Regina or Rumplestiltskin a personal grudge. Instead of going outside, they ordered food from Granny’s and sat inside their mini-castles staring at their flat boxes of various sizes. It was truly bizarre. Even Neal enjoyed it.

Mulan had considered simply avoiding the box and its enticements entirely until she got wind that the only other person in town who completely eschewed the box was the pirate. If he was avoiding it, there must be something good to it after all.  So she’d asked Neal if he could think of anything she would enjoy with the box, and he had lit up like a firework on New Year’s.

Which is why she was sitting on the incredibly comfy sofa in Neal’s room with an assortment of snacks in front of her, waiting on Neal, who had gone to fetch the story from Henry.

“I can’t wait for you to see this,” Neal said he held up the DVD case with “Mulan” emblazoned at the top. He popped open the case and removed the DVD before handing the case over to Mulan so she could look at it.

“Is this supposed to be…me?”

Neal nodded.

“I would never wear my hair down like this. It’s completely impractical in battle. And who are these two people? And what is that orange and yellow thing with the giant eyes and nose?”

“Oh, that’s Mushu. Your dragon buddy. Eddie Murphy does his voice on the movie, and he’s hilarious. As for the other two, you’ll see when we watch the movie.”

Mulan raised her eyebrows.“My dragon buddy? Neal, I had no dragon ‘buddy’. The only dragon I ever encountered was a fearsome sorcerer that I helped banish to another realm. Dragons are decidedly not hilarious.”

“Mulan, I can’t promise you that this is going to be the most accurate retelling of your story,” Neal said as he put the DVD into the player. “But I can promise you that Mushu is hilarious. This realm…it likes to embellish, and it doesn’t always know how to tell the truths that we know in other realms. Making things up is the only magic this realm truly has.”

“And microwaves,” Mulan pointed out. “You made a feast in only a few minutes. Ramen and popcorn and these bagel bits?”

“They call them Bagel Bites, but the bagel part is a lie. You only get real bagels in New York.”

“Ah, another of this realm’s embellishments.”

Neal considered for a moment, and chuckled. “Yeah. You could say that. Look, maybe I should’ve thought this through a little better, but I think you’ll like it. If not, then we can always hate-watch it.”

There would’ve been silence, but Mulan had chosen the moment two seconds prior to smash a large fistful of popcorn into her mouth, so it was more like “CRUnCHcRUnCH” as she chewed violently, trying to get enough popcorn eaten so she could ask a follow-up question. Luckily, Neal didn’t have to be a mind reader to figure that out.

“We hate watch it by making fun of how ridiculous it is.” 

More crunching, which Neal interpreted as more questions.

“Think of it like this…uh…it’s like we get to be the jesters of our own royal court, but the court is on the TV. We make fun of what’s in front of us, usually because it takes itself too seriously, or is trying too hard.” By now, the title screen had come up, so Neal started the movie.

It didn’t take long for Mulan to start in with her own commentary:

_“Who is that blue insect-like man behind the Emperor? Is he supposed to be a pet?”_

_“I like that dog feeding the chickens idea. That would’ve been a good trick to use when I was a child. I hated that chore.”_

_“Wait…why is she…THAT IS NOT WHAT CRICKETS ARE FOR!”_

_“Neal, this is the worst song I’ve ever heard. All this horrible stuff about brides and having to look a certain way to bring honor to my family? I thought you said this was a good movie?”_

_(Neal)“It is! Trust me, this song is not celebrating that stuff.”_

_Another raise of the eyebrows from Mulan._

_“This woman is extremely unpleasant.”_

_(Neal)“Give it a minute.”_

_“YES! Fan those flames on that matchmaker’s ass, not-me Mulan!”_

_“I can’t sing like that. Neal, nothing in this movie so far has anything to do with me except the part about there being an invasion, but they haven’t even mentioned it again. How is this movie about me?”_

At this point, Neal decided perhaps it was time to pause the movie. “It’s going to get to it. Really soon.” He sighed and turned to face Mulan. “I think maybe this is not the right kind of thing to show you for your first example of a movie. Even though it’s an awesome movie and you’re going to love it one day, I swear. But until then…I hate to admit it, but Henry was right.” Neal reached to his right, where his backpack sat at the edge of the couch. He rummaged through it for a minute, then held up a different DVD case. This one had a dark masked figure on it, and the words STAR WARS.

“What’s that? The story of the Dark One?”

Neal let out a full-on guffaw, and couldn’t stop laughing for several minutes. “Sorry,” he apologized, still laughing to the point of having tears in his eyes. “Sorry. I just…I can’t wait to share that one with Henry and Emma,” he said. Took a deep breath. Composed himself. “No, it’s a story that takes place in an completely different realm from this one or the Enchanted Forest. And it’s got a kickass princess.”

“I do like kickass princesses.”

“So I’ve noticed,” Neal said with a grin. “Has Aurora?”


End file.
